Short Story #1: A Deserted Mind.... Found
This week's list of words:
2. Shape Shifter.
Words given by a friend.
In the deep darkness of my mind, I keep asking myself, “What's the point? Who cares?” and I just keep asking myself that. Day in and day out, I wonder, “Does anyone even give a care?” All I see is people going about in their own lives, and I'm just here, in the dark, alone. Several times, a person would come by, and they gave me hope, saying they would be right with me, saying they would listen to what was wrong, saying they would help me up, saying they would be there, but none of them stayed around long. They all quickly moved on with their lives, and I got left in the dust, and as they left, a sand storm came to cover me up, blowing me under layers and layers of pain.
Of course, perhaps, I could have walked towards them, perhaps I could have saw someone, and grabbed their attention, to try to show them how hurt I was. But, that would mean I had to see myself as worth the time to help, and, personally... I can't do that. I know I trailed after a few, a few that said they would help, I tried to get their attention, but my calls were left unanswered, as if I had no voice.
I finally left them to their lives, as I stopped trying to waste their time with my calls. Who cares anyway? Not them, never them. My place in this world, could be compared to being the last one chosen to be on a team in grade school. But, in the world, when I would be the one people talked to when there was absolutely no one else to talk to, I would listen to THEIR problems, and I would be the one to HELP THEM. And, once they got their help, and once others in their life showed up again, I would be the one left behind, getting no help, no comfort, no nothing but the sense that I actually helped someone. But I would be left with the wish that I too, could be helped. To wish that, someone would spend time with me, and just listen, and not let the world get in the way.
But, after being left behind so long, it is hard to take the hand of those who wish to help anymore. After seeing how quickly they fleet away into their own lives, I'm afraid of being dropped and left behind again. I would rather not take up their precious time with my silly life, when they have a life of their own to live. So if they are going to go off and live it, then please, just do so, because I don't want to be a burden.
And this is how I've come to where I am now. Lost in this desert of my mind. I've been wandering around so long, with so little food or water, I feel like I may die. I must be further from people now, seeing as I see so few pass by anymore. Sometimes, I wonder if I am destined to be alone. Sometimes, I wonder if it is just my calling, to wander around, and hope I'm doing right. I know both of those are untrue, but I still wonder regardless.
I've noticed lately, I've dreamed of being touched, or of touching another. I didn't used to dream about these things, so why suddenly do they show up? Why now do my dreams speak as though I want to be help, and give pleasure to another soul, to be not alone? I shouldn't want to touch another in such ways, I should not be allowed. What is wrong with me? I don't know how to stop those dreams either. They come with out warning. But, perhaps, perhaps there is a reason to them.
Either way, will I die here in this desert? If only I could change who I am, if I could shift myself to have confidence, if I could change to become something stronger and better. But... every time I try on my own, I fumble, I miss something, and then fall harder. Can't I just change and be better in an instant like a shape shifter? Why does that have to be so impossible?
Wait... I think... I see a figure in the distance. Is that someone coming my way? Will they help me? Should I try to find out? Or should I leave them be? What if they will help? Could I allow them to help me? Or will I be the one to help them? Maybe I should try, maybe I should give it a chance. But... it feels scary anymore, I don't want to be left again. What if something were to happen? What if they stab my heart? What if they steal a part of me and leave?
They are here now. I must say something. “Hello!” Oh dear, they see me, they are looking to me. What do I do or say now?
“Hello? What is your name?” She asked me my name. Oh, dear, what do I say? Who am I? Who can I say I am? I don't want to lie, but, I don't even know who I am anymore. I think I thought I knew at some point, but, maybe I just never knew to begin with.
“My name is... Michael, but you can call me Dark or Darky. What is your name?” Oh dear, what have I done? I told my name! And not only that, I told my nick name. What will she think?
“That is a great name, Michael, and, my name is Brianna. It is nice to meet you!” She is smiling to me, and, she used my name, not my nick name. Why did she use my name instead?
“It is nice to meet you as well, Brianna. What are you doing out here?”
The two of them would begin to talk, and, before they knew it, a year would pass by, and they would still be good friends. She would help him greatly, and he would help her, neither fully understanding just how deeply they would affect each others' lives. But as deeply affected their lives would be with each other, only time would tell the full story that is to come of their friendship. And this friendship being told, goes to show that at any point in time, someone may come along and change your world, and you theirs. That at any moment, someone can come along and help pull you through whatever you are going through, even if not in full, but at least in part. Just hold out a little longer, someone may come your way.